yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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