u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
