No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
