At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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