My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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