It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
