I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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