I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
