he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
