Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
