FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
