Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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