I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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