Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
