i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
