remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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