wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
