you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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