Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
so that wasnt chicken after all
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Randomize
