I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
