What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
