hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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