I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
