I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
