hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
where does the pee come out of this thing
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
