College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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