Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize