You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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