I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
