I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
