i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
