I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
