what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
