i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
