We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
