omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
