I wanna bring you to show and tell
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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