I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
