Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
