I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
