Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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