The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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