my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
