google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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