we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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