I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
