We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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