I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
