Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
