Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
