So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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