Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
