Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
