sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
