Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
