Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
