They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
