i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
