You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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