hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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