I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
