he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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