I'm gonna have a badass scar
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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