Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
