His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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