If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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