what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
