He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
