yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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