My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
