Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize