everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
