had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
