Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
