Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
