He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
