I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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