True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
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